Listening to:
Thinking of:

I guess I could write about Italy... But I'll just write about things that are closer to home and heart... Its 3:37am and I'm still awake after just packing up most of my cutelary of which I intend to keep, like the darned Tefal pan... which is by any standard, a gorgeous piece of kit. Tonight as well, the rest of the guys said goodbye to a close friend, especially to Umut... someone he's known for years and to Iain, someone he's come to know really well. I think though the guys hide it so well... I think it broke their hearts. I drove back from campus to Leamington with Imran in the car... I know he was absolutely smashed, trying his best to hide his emotions.

"Have you ever been in love?"

I guess saying goodbye to Mariam didn't really mean much to me since I'd be in Claycroft and hence it makes it easier to see her since we're in the same hall complex, also that I'm not as close to her as the guys are. Tears flowed and there is no shame in that, afterall... aren't goodbyes harder to say then hellos? Especially with people so close to you. The evening was good fun, had dinner at home... and had another dinner there, watched a teenie bit of Big Brother and laughed our heads out immitating the most annoying accents... I guess we must be pretty sad that we didn't decide to go out to some local pub or something, however... the kitchen is where we've spent most of our time together and probably the most suitable of places to say goodbye.

"Say goodbye with a smile and a hug, in that case it'll leave a lovely lasting memory"

I felt quite strange being the only one that didn't feel a little hurt... We went out for a walk (we meaning Iain, Imran and Shruti) out to Hurst and took a look at the painting Shruti drew, with much assistance from others... the "Devil Man" (now in exhibition at the piazza, University of Warwick). We later went back to take a look at some of her other drawings and photos and needless to say, I was stunned with amazement. Shruti's an Indian girl which hails from Madras... Definitely arty with a sharp tongue and opinion to boot. Looks great (like a lot of Indian girls)... Her photos were amazing, pictures of people in various faces and phases, ordinary folks in India doing rituals and doing their business, I swear it looked like something from the National Geographic. I feel like an immature, inexpirienced child after taking a look at some of her photos. Comparing that with the memories of mine, I felt inadequate and out of depth. My prized photos became husks in the wind... I guess it's alright... I'm hoping to be able to grab some photos back in Malaysia perhaps in Penang or Kuantan, maybe it takes practice to get used to it all (hopefully improving the quality of photo taking)

Walking away from Claycroft 2, I felt a certain heaviness within the guys... Not only are they saying goodbye to Mariam but the guys are saying goodbye to an era. We're leaving the house tomorrow. I'll miss them a lot and it won't be the same without them and our random Sainsburys trips where Kelvin somehow hates all offers as it makes him spend loads and how Iain would go for the things only on offer and disagrees with Kelvin. Umut on the other hand happily going around his stuff. I'll miss the car rides into uni each morning, and the coffee and sausage rolls at Viva's while chatting at the Arts Center, guys... I don't know if you're reading this but it's really the most ordinary things that make me happiest, imagine that... I miss listening to Athena in Umut's car and the punk stuff in Iain's. They sure don't miss Dave Matthews in mine... cause its only the 1st time in the UK I'm driving a car with a blimmin' CD player.

So many things have happened in the past week... I don't know where to start. Some of them I'd wait for you guys to find out, and others like the above I thought I'd express myself. I've thought about how I've behaved this year and all the selfish pride did come into play as much as I've tried to avoid it. Kart crashes which really didn't put me off the sport thats given me quite an adrenaline rush (and a little winner's trophy). Volleyball and playing for the Malaysian team... we might be tiny, but we play with our hearts on our sleeves with a bit of a tactical mind (Eek), by the way.

I've just realised I spoke a lot... Oh, by the way... did I mention since we had to turn off the freezer and fridge, I drank all the alcopops in the fridge and the 1/2 bottle of wine. Also in the stash was my Haegen Daz and bits of Iain's...

Its 4 now... I guess I'll sleep and start again tomorrow.

Listening to:
Thinking of:

I guess packing up the room induces a sense of nostalgia. Everything that is familiar is gone, though strangely enough my table still seems to be filled... a reminder that I still have loads to do.

Timmy came over yesterday to say goodbye before he head off to Bath. Another stark reminder that its all coming to an end... so many faces will just turn into faded memories, and too many memories will just turn into past incidences. But I guess life has to move on... I think goodbyes exist partially to remind us of our human nature and the ability to feel moved and sad. I never liked saying goodbye, to some people more than others. Yet, as with hello... its almost a neccesary part or conduct and relations.

I blame the busses! My inability to go to Westwood today to say goodbye to Matt is all due to the fact that darned TWM has only 3 busses a day out of Leamington and StageCoach has ceased all busses out of Leamington on Sundays. I made some critical mistakes yesterday... of which one of them was ignoring the fact that term ended on Friday hence busses are less frequent and end by 10:30pm.

Sigh, anyway.. think I've got to go search for stuff for parents' trip.

Listening to:
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Aha! Finally managed to catch Shrek 2 yesterday... The weather was crap but the company was beaming! Asako, Olly and Clara! So yes... it was hillarious, entertaining and who can forget those big, pathetic eyes... Like the 1st installment, the lines were witty and well, lets admit it, there was some "not so innocent" humour involved, think Pinochio. A good day out for sure.

I can't seem to find any motivation to think of something to write, the easy way out would be writing about Italy, but I've got to think of a subject within Italy to write about. So help me out here... Write about
a) People I met during the trip?
b) Places and what I think?
c) Food?
d) oh well, I don't know... not write at all?

Listening to:
Thinking of:

I wanted it to be grander, a little more sophisticated, properly phrased and in a better setting... But I blurted it out, looking all silly and stupid, unprepared, sounding unconvincing... But I said it anyway, and no regrets whatsoever that I did. I'm glad... Thank you.

Listening to: CD player's packed and soundcard died...
Thinking of:

Listening to: Keep Fishing, Weezer
Thinking of:



image taken with Sony Ericsson T610... my old Nikon 885 died and was yet to be replaced
Oversized SL? :P the interior was disappointing and nope, the seats doesn't suit my wardrobe...

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*venice by day, venice by night*


The trip was good... A big big applause to Kar Wai and Janice please!

Listening to: Urrr... I don't know the title, Coheed and Cambria
Thinking of:



*image taken with Nikon Coolpix 5200 on date above, snapping thanks to Sophia*


I have to say its as though Final Fling seems like an indicator that it's all ending... So many faces I've gotten used to seeing in all 3 years of university, some of them almost every day begin to fade slowly and into memories. Whats left or left to do is to keep those memories or to continue keeping in touch in words.

Do mind the short entry, its just somehow I'd rather leave the memories of Final Fling undisected and left in peace with the pictures and memories. To so many of you, many of you who do the wiser thing and not waste time reading my rantings, here is one to hopefully many years of words and grey hair!

Oh by the way, this one is taken by Iain (I think) of Mariam with Tim from ASH! Yeah, they played last night! ;)

Listening to: Typical Situation, Dave Matthews Band
Thinking of:

Good day? Bad day? Well, I'm rather confused... It started off with me getting the Amazon on my head chopped off and now it looks like a shorter version of my do around the Malaysia Night period but not short enough to actually spike it. Oh well... by some miraculous occurrence, hopefully the hair will grow about an inch overnight. Anyway, for the first time in my life I've had a little chat to the hairdresser dude. So he's this Italian bloke called Nick... Has pretty good dress sense, or at least his clothes justifies the look and his built. He did a pretty good job with me cracking stupid jokes and talking about Italy and my make believe life (which sounds a heck of a lot better than reality).

I got back to do a couple of things and as I folded my laptop monitor down, I noticed it was creaking strangely... Upon closer inspection what I noticed was that the inner hinge of the laptop screen failed with fatigue failure (the only good 2nd year materials has bestowed upon me). Was rather frustrated... I knew Dell made crap laptop cases (or at least their contractors do) especially for the Inspiron 4000/4100/4150 models but this is ridiculous, the thing isn't even 3 years old in total yet (actually, shoot! Its just reached 3 years old which means end of warranty period, crap!) So the situation is that my laptop screen is now held up with only a single hinge and can't be closed down. I think all my electronics are rebelling against me, my camera died, my laptop's broken and my Palm is throwing tantrums against the computer. Sigh...

Anyway, I didn't have anytime to think about it as I had to dash out again to head to campus since I did arrange to meet Matt Germyn up for lunch (have not seen him since the exams) and catch up. So yeah... Matt, Tom and myself headed to the Arts Centre for a "generously huge" panini. It's fun catching up with Matt... can't believe it's been 3 years and a design project since we first met and it took me 8 months to learn his name even though we were in the same halls in 1st year. We talked about Sudan and the ongoing humanitarian crisis in the country as well a little bit of time for prayer.

On the way home back to Leamington, I had a sudden worry fit about my plans next year... I worried what if my good exams are not good enough to pull up the scores for the really bad papers (had 2 of them unfortunately, instead of 1 which I anticipated). It is unlikely that I would've gotten a 1st for my project as well... Sigh, I don't know if I could have worked any harder for this year without being a total geek (well, I am geeky, just not fully fledged... I hope). So there is a sense of "the best just isn't good enough..." If I screw up, I know the tag on my head will read perennial underachiever and I really don't know if I'd be able to actually take this one. Or on the other hand, I could rest in the fact that I'm just plain stupid and really, deserve what I got. Somehow I'm in the notion that the latter one holds true.

Just decided not to go to TopB but instead hang out at home and catch a funny film with a friend. Oh well... the rest of ya' can go Bananas over Top Banana, I'll sit back and watch a funny film... Don't feel like meeting people tonight unfortunately... Just want some time alone.

*Top Banana, a Union event which plays cheesy music in the Market Place and some RnB/ Hip Hop-ish (ala Delicatessen stuff at SUGAR)in the Cooler



*shot taken with nikon coolpix 885 using black and white*



One doesn't miss another any less through with conversation but a consolidation of anxiety and fear. There is always someone of whom's voice we always long to hear... Is it part of being human? I wonder... Sigh... its off to bed for me then, 12:50am

Listening to: Radio, The Corrs
Thinking of:

My room has pretty much lost most of it's character... In a couple of minutes, all the framed art prints and paintings as well as the still shots will be taken down. I'll have to pop by the stationary place to get some bubble wrap for the lava lamp and other breakables.

I've also just come to realise that on Wednesday, it'll be the Final Fling. Whip out the bow tie, the cufflinks and the fancy shirt! Topped with a suit of generous porpotions... I guess I'll be going with my housemates and that particular circle of friends. I'm quite glad that some of my good Malaysian friends are going... Though admittedly this year, I've not seen or spoken to them much, they remain good friends and university definitely would not have been the same without them... Heck, I need a camera. Please oh please will it arrive on time, early as well...

On Friday, I'll be zipping off to Venice leaving the diluted English life I've lived over the past year for a good 5 days. Somehow it's not really sunk in for some strange reason.

Over the past couple of days on the other hand, I've come to realise the precarious situation of my plans next year. I've placed everything in a single basket and if I don't achieve my Masters offers, chances are I'll have to head back to Malaysia... and admittedly, I am not inclined to the notion of heading back just yet. Oh God, I place my fate in your hands...

RIght, now to get a haircut, one which is long, long overdue.... Admittedly I'm a bit nervous since this is only going to be the 2nd time I'm getting one in the UK and the 1st was 2 years ago and it turned out to be a "mangkuk" cut

*mangkuk= bowl in Malay

Listening to: Great Romances of the 20th Century
Thinking of:

Walking as drops start falling, the cool feel of water against naked skin exposed to the elements. Looking to the sky, the confusion of sunlight and swirling dark clouds bleeding. Step into the cab and it all ends...

Listening to: You Know How I Do, Taking Back Sunday
Thinking of:

Another triumph for the Chinese?

Archeologists have dug up a 1,000-year-old padded bra in China.
The gold-coloured bra was found in an ancient tomb being excavated in Inner Mongolia's Aohan region.
Archeologist Shao Guotian said the bra belonged to a wealthy woman from China's Liao dynasty period.
He told local newspapers the bra was made of fine silk with shoulder straps and back strings.
"It's just like brassieres of today," he said. "It's a pity most of the cotton padding in the cups has already decayed."


Story thanks to www.ananova.com

Listening to: You make me feel like a natural woman, Celine Dion
Thinking of:

This is a little warning kids, keep your clothes on in the park...

Well, a pair who decided to go au' natural at the Bon Accord Terrace Gardens, Aberdeen had to walk home naked covered with just 3 sheets of newspaper as they were caught in the act by a thief who decided that knicking people's clothes while they were shagging in the bushes for a fun thing to do.

Whats more, the 23-year-old woman was left to walk half a mile home through Aberdeen city centre. To add salt to the wound, as she arrived back to her flat, she discovered her housemate had locked her out and her keys were in her stolen jacket.

The cause of undressing has later been cited as inability to remain sober.

After writing this nonsence, I thought the song title was kinda apt... in a twisted sort of sense

Listening to: Freshmen, The Verve Pipe
Thinking of:

My head isn't dictated by knowledge and reasoning anymore... Obvious answers don't make sense only because of an apparent twist in scenario, which of course doesn't differ from the classic case. I think I'm just tired... it is afterall 3am and I've got to wake up early. Sigh...

- How we're guilt stricken, sobbing with our hands on the floor -

"Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there."Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD - 180 AD)

- fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we said hey -

Listening to: Give Me One Reason, Tracy Chapman
Thinking of:

Benny woke this morning with a riddle in his head... The sun in his eyes and the warmth of it's rays warms the room and floods it with light as he pushed the curtains apart. Riddle stuck in mind, he pondered further... A simple solution, a textbook one... his response be.

Yet as he looked into the mirror and see the wrinkles age has brought him, he recognizes his lack of wisdom for his age... His mind switches back to the haunting question his subconscious concoted this morning. The smell of brewing coffee and toasted bread rising from the kitchen, he ponders further while reading yesterday's news. The entanglement of his heart strings with the textbook direction of his mind. "Not so simple isn't it," so he thinks. He turns his back to his unfinished toast and coffee as he dresses and walks out the door, Church bells resounding as he does.



-using nikon coolpix 885 close to st. michaels mount, marazion, cornwall-


I was wondering if I should add a caption to this photo probably placing the photo into context. I thought I'd let people decide for themselves. But it's one of the 1st times I've taken effort for human subjects, think it could be better with more practice and perhaps a better camera to replace the nikon 885 which has just been retired (because it keeps freezing and hanging though this time it really has just died and part replacement cost is RM500 (about 70 odd quid) which is a bit too much for a 3 year old camera, a good 3 year old camera though).

Listening to: Ridiculous Thoughts, The Cranberries

Finally, I can have a day to myself... probably curl up with the book I've been trying to finish. Am feeling a little subdued today, no thanks to the lack of sunlight to my room and the mellow music of choice today.

My thoughts are still swirling around and are not collected... I know I've got a lot to think of and many decisions that have to be made in a short span of time. Emotions can be pretty annoying in days like today... Why can't one just be so determined as to abstain from feeling? I'm happy, angry, sad and relieved at the same time... One foot in the swamp while the right hand reaches for the heavens. In a week, I've been to Cornwall, Nottingham and The Birmingham Motorshow... possibly be heading to London on Tuesday with the housemates. Sigh...


"We're going to have to move on..." Taken from the above song title...

- I'll fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins -

- It's funny when you find the words to say, you find no reply -

I won't make you...

Listening to: Piano Concerto No.1 in E Minor, Frederic Chopin (Played by Martha Argerich)
Thinking of:

I don't really have much to write though... The day is pretty much summed up by grocery shopping and being in the gym. I'm looking for someone, anyone to go to Birm with me for the motorshow tomorrow or Saturday... Just had quite a bit to drink over dinner and I'm feeling a little slow in terms of reaction speed. Hmm... oh well, cest la vie

I've yet to start to change the layout of the blog in order to use Blogger's new features. I should do that soon, I guess when I start finding myself in Leamington more often, will I do it. Oh well...

OH, Shoutouts to my Bro! Happy B'day Bro!



-off a cliff at minack theater, porthcurno, cornwall-

Listening to: 4 Seasons of Loneliness, Boyz II Men
Thinking of:

Exams: Done... Result, have no clue at all but I am feeling a lot more relieved now though.

*warning: has to be reintroduced to reality a step at a time*

First stop: Cornwall! A big thanks to Lainey, Doug, Fraie and Leona for a great trip to the butt of England. Admittedly it was strange sometimes since I'm the only loner single and only undergraduate there but of course the rest did go out of their way to make me feel part of the group. Lots of sights and loads of sounds, loads of fun and constant awe... There are parts that are really touristy but on the other hand, we did meet some local folks who were really helpful in divulging some of Cornwall's secrets. Base camp, Penzance at a little B&B called The Shoreline, our host was the charming Raymond (didn't get his last name) and along with loads of stories and tales from the B&B breakfast, one can't help but to feel a certain affinity with this cheery limping bloke. He does the best fry up breakfasts one can have though its a bad sign for the growing tummy... I had a lot of time to think when we're not seeing the sights and had a lot of walks (which corresponded with the thinking). Thought a bunch about people around me, things I've got to do, how am I going to live next year and sadly, saying goodbye... I hate saying goodbyes... Some say its the start to another hello and that its not the end, yet somehow one can't help but feel its the start of the decay process. Cliffs, pounding waves and awe inspiring sights... it doesn't fail to make one feel insignificant yet special. If I were to compare man made attractions (Eden Project and towns) compared to the natural, one can't help but to think... "How great Thou Art." I would upload some photos but my camera is giving me loads of problems and I think I've got to find a CF card reader. Sigh... There a lot I'd love to write about this trip but of course, the lack of any social skill at the moment and the loss of whatever little eloquence impairs the authoring process.

Nottingham: As soon as I woke up after Cornwall, I was down the M69 on my way to Notts with none other than Mr. Iain Russel my housemate. I enjoyed the trip there as well even thought we didn't venture far. Met his family and Malcom, Iain's dad has an uncanny resemblance to mine in terms of job ventures and places visited... big difference is that dad converses with few words(limited only because the good stuff is used at work, and it has to be said, extremely impressive). Her sister is doing her A-levels as my brother and his mom teaches, a little bit like my mom. The resemblance is uncanny...

It's only 8:38pm and I'm feeling mighty tired... Now to arrange my clothes and do the domestic thing... To Italy or to plan another trip? That is the big question