Life begins at...

Listening to: One More Chance, Madonna
Thinking of: I turned around, too late... To see the falling star

Shuffeled my playlist and then this song popped up... Its pretty nice, a quiet Madonna tune and really, due to its very quiet unplugged nature one can understand why she sings for a living.

Anyway, I don't know why I've took another nose dive yesterday night. I felt so utterly destroyed and humiliated by a single line. But oh well, life begins at 120 km/h... and I went out for a short drive, pushed mom's car and myself to a position when I realised how awake I was at 2am... For that brief moment of 120 and above, I felt a serenity as I watched the world pass me by, as if I wasn't part of it and I was concentrated on the next turn and the next bump knowing well enough what it could do... I mean hey, having lost friends in high speed accidents were never good things. No massive adrenaline rush, no short breaths, just simple automatic gearshifts up or down... At that moment, time seem to have stopped for a couple of seconds giving an opportunity for solitude, as though I was stationary seeing the world spinning around me.

I arrived home safely and parked the car. Laughed with familiar faces till 4 in the morning... Laughter, so false and such a poor measure of amusement or happiness.... Wishing that I wasn't there, that I didn't feel the way I did and that I wasn't alive... No emotion, no nothing, just good ol' fear... Overcome it and I can overcome anything... To hide is to run, what is a boy to do. Lucky me, it isn't all that important... ;) and I at least I knew what I was doing and I knew at the end... there was always one conclusion, tomorrow will appear once again and one has to live, not just survive. As frail as the human body is, there is a future to safeguard and a road to travel. There are no resolutions this year for yours truly... Never thought they ever worked for more than 48 hours after they were made