The past few weeks have been a series of heart string tugs in strange directions resulting in a very contorted state of mind and emotion.
In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer
The mother having had surgery, the family in the same city for the first time this year, some things ugly, some things beautiful. Flashes from the past and hope for the future. As I met a much loved and much respected 93 year old friend, confidant and role model lying in what is probably her death bed with tubes at all possible orifices, struggling to speak but with such sharpness of mind and strength of character that I feel totally embarrassed and overwhelmed. Childhood friends still battling with a body with cancer. On the other hand, friends with new children and happy with them and fellow peers planning weddings and getting engaged.
How is one suppose to bridge the stoic with the ebullient?
I got soul but I'm not a soldier
There have been things from the grave exhumed to rear its head, there are things exhumed and am finally at peace with such occurrence (I even bought a new tie for it). Acquaintances which have made me smile from ear to ear, old friends I thought I'd never see again... all of which lead to the inevitable goodbye...
(doubt you read this anymore but I'm so sorry I only managed to see you once, funny how after years of oceanic distance, 3 hour conversations still come so naturally...)
Meeting friends and people at places I'd never thought possible... It's odd really when you think of the chances.
Black Hole and Revelations
To top it off, a trip to Burma... I know most people would have an opinion on a trip to a country such as Burma... but after coming back, my mind and sense of morality have declared armistice and having seen what I've seen, tried what I could try. I look forward to giving it another go. Never have I seen so much strength matched with so much frailty, so much flair mixed with so much grit. I tried hard not to mix it all together, but it's overwhelming when conversing with a local trader,gardener, monk, child, immigrant, professional, wedding gown designer, drivers and compiling all of their emotions. Yet with all the difference, the smiles on their face, the reluctance to accept pity and with the simple lives, they afford such hospitality. So much history and so much neglect... it can be difficult to stomach in.
I love how religion is not just a concept of faith where it's a do or die... I like how it's a social occasion, how no one is forced to bow down but in liberty to choose a spot and deity. I like how charity is not begged but out of obligation. There's so much to like about the place and suddenly past history of uprisings make sense, damage from cyclones also is suddenly understood.
Forgive me if I sound confused and all over the place, because I am... I'll be fine, but in reflection nothing above is anything new, just a reminder to grow better, grow stronger and persevere.
With much love...
In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer
The mother having had surgery, the family in the same city for the first time this year, some things ugly, some things beautiful. Flashes from the past and hope for the future. As I met a much loved and much respected 93 year old friend, confidant and role model lying in what is probably her death bed with tubes at all possible orifices, struggling to speak but with such sharpness of mind and strength of character that I feel totally embarrassed and overwhelmed. Childhood friends still battling with a body with cancer. On the other hand, friends with new children and happy with them and fellow peers planning weddings and getting engaged.
How is one suppose to bridge the stoic with the ebullient?
I got soul but I'm not a soldier
There have been things from the grave exhumed to rear its head, there are things exhumed and am finally at peace with such occurrence (I even bought a new tie for it). Acquaintances which have made me smile from ear to ear, old friends I thought I'd never see again... all of which lead to the inevitable goodbye...
(doubt you read this anymore but I'm so sorry I only managed to see you once, funny how after years of oceanic distance, 3 hour conversations still come so naturally...)
Meeting friends and people at places I'd never thought possible... It's odd really when you think of the chances.
Black Hole and Revelations
To top it off, a trip to Burma... I know most people would have an opinion on a trip to a country such as Burma... but after coming back, my mind and sense of morality have declared armistice and having seen what I've seen, tried what I could try. I look forward to giving it another go. Never have I seen so much strength matched with so much frailty, so much flair mixed with so much grit. I tried hard not to mix it all together, but it's overwhelming when conversing with a local trader,gardener, monk, child, immigrant, professional, wedding gown designer, drivers and compiling all of their emotions. Yet with all the difference, the smiles on their face, the reluctance to accept pity and with the simple lives, they afford such hospitality. So much history and so much neglect... it can be difficult to stomach in.
I love how religion is not just a concept of faith where it's a do or die... I like how it's a social occasion, how no one is forced to bow down but in liberty to choose a spot and deity. I like how charity is not begged but out of obligation. There's so much to like about the place and suddenly past history of uprisings make sense, damage from cyclones also is suddenly understood.
Forgive me if I sound confused and all over the place, because I am... I'll be fine, but in reflection nothing above is anything new, just a reminder to grow better, grow stronger and persevere.
With much love...
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