Smokey the Bear!

Listening to: I Loves You Porgy, Miles Davis
Thinking of: The Wild Heart

At the moment I'm nervous over an assignment due in soon.... But that is just to give you a background of what I'm doing at the moment anyway.

What I thought of writing today is the need for men to be men... Somehow, its something I've been thinking about for quite a bit... I don't mean being chauvanistic and insensitive... But somehow, within me I know there is this certain longing to fight and for adventure. I miss climbing mountains and running around jungles and doing jumps while mountain biking. Somehow, I think I've become so domesticated... but like a good dog, he doesn't lose the hunter in him (think even house terriers who'd give chase to cats larger than his puny little size)

"The heart of a man is like deep water..." Proverbs 20:5

Somehow, all that adventure doesn't neccesarily translate to the need to be stuck in the forest and fighting cannibals to get out of the place... But I don't know, maybe thats why I feel life has been stagnant for me the past couple of weeks. I don't find pleasure and sort of discovery from what I do of late... I remember in the first week of this term and being introduced to my internal combustion engine module, I was really excited... Each lecture I learnt more of what I briefly knew about what makes a good car engine running, it was good fun... not that i'll be able to put it into practice with my mom's car (she'd hire someone to me alive and feed me to the umm... mouse deers!) But its like an adventure where things you knew could happen would be explained and understood. Unfortunately this diminished a while ago... What happened to that certain thirst for "adventure."

Like all good adventures, there is always a beauty to fight for... Prince Charming had the evil Queen to content with while saving Sleeping Beauty, Batman had Cat Woman (or whatever her real name was and strangely enough, she's also the villain) and heck, Shrek had Fiona with whatchamacallit as his enemy. Taking a slight detour, I wonder if evil parents in laws count as villains. But back to the subject at hand... A little boy would always play his best game when the little girl he has a crush on was there in the stands... Well, I know... cause I've been that little boy. Who would have guessed, she became the only girl I've loved almost a decade after that little in the stands thing... Sometimes having "beauty" somewhere or another, the elation of knowing something could just make you feel like E.T's kid, riding the bike across the moon. Songs have been written, mountains climbed, oceans crossed... Yet, what makes it so special to have "beauty"? Its an adventure isn't it... just fighting for the sake of that one person... Oh well, I wouldn't know... I guess to me with my social ineptness, even asking some girl out takes loads of courage.

Is adventure then instilled within a person, or is it bestowed? Nature versus Nuture again... I guess for me, the I could explain it the way I've been thought to live. I guess to a certain extent, life's been a little restricted to me since I left Kuala Terengganu (oh, life was a constant adventure there it really was. And till now, its been great, great fun) where I'd be dropped at school and picked up at the time would be right... I'd be barred from climbing hills and trees and even taking busses. But yet, as I grew older, I just had to fight for that "freedom" to explore... The need to just find out what lied around me and how the land was made and designed. It started with walks, and then bikes, and then climbing a bit... I knew I loved the outdoors then, a sense of accomplishment after a steep hill climb with the bike, the serenity of the speed flying down hills (yup, read that right). To me, it was there all along... only to be realized I had it. Yet, on the other hand, the more freedom one gets in that sense, the more one is addicted to it.

Right, think I shall end this entry with a simple question though... would one feel better with a guy being just plain "nice" or on the other hand, would one feel better with one who is adequately apt but yet, loves adventure?