No Name Game

Listening to: Take California, Propellerheads
Thinking:

Well, its been a long time since I last posted anything... its not that I've got nothing to write, just the lack of inspiration and the bundles of work and all. So what have I done lately thats good... interestingly enough, I've been going out almost every day meeting new people and getting to know those I've just met a little better

One of my housemates is going out with this girl and he seems pretty happy about it. Good on ya' mate! Sigh... young love... :P

On with the work side, I've literally been swamped with work and somehow I think it relates with the going out somehow... though I can't really put my finger on it ;) Hehehehe...

I went to cell group with Ee Lynn on Tuesday... and I so thank God for her... Truly a wonderful friend.

Oh well, just thought I'd keep this short and while I've got nothing planned for the rest of the night but sleep... I once again don't have the great inclination to write... it almost seemed as if that inclination has disappeared overnight, which is almost tragic really.

Cheerio!

Early in the morning

Listening to: The sound of silence, no cars, no people
Thinking of: Not going to mention

As the time shows... its now 330 something in the morning and what the heck am I doing up? I'm going to do a bit of my assignment... Well then... I shall leave it here till later.

7 *3 What a year its been

Listening to: Beeps coming from my MSN
Thinking about: Today

Ahhh, work... piling up... With time catching on... Oh no, looks like another gloomy day with crappy weather croping up... WRONG!

It was a lovely day despite all of that... Why? Not because of my birthday surely... but because of the people around me. Yes, I am 21 today... not that it makes any difference. I don't feel older and neither do I feel any wiser, but today I can honestly and genuinely say that I was happy.

I did some work today and I thank God for the understanding... it started off well and then while I was in the bathroom, my housemates started singing happy birthday enough to shake the house down with my b'day present... all in Rap tunes and all sort of funny beats. Sigh... good lads! Anyway, they did eventually pass me my prezzie which was a large bottle of Bailey's... The only thing is, Scott prolly wouldn't have it, Umut doesn';t drink and Iain is quitting... So well, that leaves pretty much only me. Sigh... I mean really, drinking Baileys is almost a social act. But that aside, the card was really nice... Iain didn't let me forget I was getting old... and goodness, housemates really outdid themselves this time around. Thanks Guys... thanks so much... Oh interesting point to note... The envelope on the card did go..."Read only if you stink" How ironic I just got out from the toilet when they gave it to me.

Kit Hon sent me a lovely message this morning as well... just before I went to bed at about 12-ish. May Lee sent me a lovely message as well... oh goodness, why did I wait 3 years to be friends with people around me.

I had a couple of good conversations today... most of them over MSN and I did have coffee with Adlina and Eizwan. That was then followed by carolling of which I had a blast and well, though I can't say that I can sing particularly well, I enjoyed myself nonetheless.. Though it was a circular thing, it was almost making a joyful sound to the divine. All in the name of having fun at the same time... Daniel Lau in my opinion did a very admirable job with the lack of a pianist. Kudos to you Mr. Lau!!

However, the real cherry on the cake is truly what Ee Lynn did... I have to thank God so much for such a dear friend... Though I've known her all my life, I've never really struck a chord with her till university. Truly an amazing friend... It was a good meal... roast chicken with pasta and all... oh, heavy meal... Truly delightful... The company for the night was consisted of Ee Lynn, Kar Wai, Framen, Echo and Alan. Definitely delightful company as well... Can a boy ask for any better? Doubt it! Well, maybe do throw in a couple of million pounds into the fray... then we'll talk.

I can go on and on and I can't help but to feel ultra grateful... to God, to the friends around me... Truly, I can go to bed with a smile...

Oh I'm sorry, did I step all over u again? Oh well, its alright... happens all the time

I'm sorry, you're sorry, we're all sorry... Hmmpphhh

Listening to:Much Afraid, Jars of Clay
Thinking of:How I'm so dead







Well, I guess that the assignments have gotten me stumped... as in I don't know what to do and where to turn. In other words, I'm cornered by an infinitely tall brick wall that I've got to learn to climb. Any good piece of advice?

Basically I'm a bit disappointed with myself and my lack of ability to comprehend the basics of the matter. If I can't do this... How should I progress once I get thrown into the real world. Each time I think about it, the further my dreams are from me... Is it any wonder why I'm all alone sometimes. Drifting...

I want to drift for a while
Would anyone let me?

I had a conversation with a couple of friends sometime back... All of whom are pretty talented with various talents and some of them are exceptionally good. How about me? Where do I stand in comparison... Lets just say they're sweet like chocolate and I'm like doo. I do wonder why I'm not naturally gifted with great intelligence, a knack to write (that comes with imagination as well btw :P), artistically capable, musically superior and the list goes on... Why do I have to be the mediocre person that I am... I guess its an issue some of us face... Yet, I am thankful to have all my limbs and an average mind and ability to appreciate those with gifts. True, I do feel shortchanged sometimes being in the company of such beings knowing that I can only dream of such ability. But life has so often challenged me to see past all of ability and be thankful for all that I am. I guess having a cousin suffering from Down's Syndrome does help. Having studied in a school across the road from the Malaysian Association of the Blind and so often the occasional beggar on the road. Success is relative however, where I want to be is a dream for many. But to me, ambition is slipping... Now back to my table where my assignments call me. I want an easy way out... but I won't learn.

"Look what I've done,
The picture I've painted,
Doesn't quite surround the edge
But I remember it being much brighter..."

Much afraid... above and beyond... even the immediate moment...

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."
- George Burns (1896-1996)

Listening to: The Prayer, Charlotte Church and some random bloke (well, I can't remember his name)


One word for now... WORK!

Only Ashes

Listening: The Runaway, Something Corporate
Thinking of: Warm Cozy Duvet... "Hi, could you stop this bus called life, I wanna get off"







"The Runaway"

if you ran to the end of the earth
i would catch you and you would be safe
if you fell down a well
i would bring you a rope and take all of your pain
all the pain, all the pain
that you hide from me everyday

if youre missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
just to find myself in you

if i woke up alone i won't stop till i'll find you and you are with me
cause by now, i know you better than you know yourself
and i know what you really need
what you need, or i need
but either way this is where you should be
here with me, or ill bleed so much that you wont believe

if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
just to find myself in you

you better not, you better not run
you better not, you better not run

if you're missing i will run away
i will build a path to you
if you're missing i will run away
i will find you
i will find you
i will find you"

Listening to: Symphony No. 8, Dvorak
Thinking: Heat Transfer Theory... Achilies Heel

Admittedly, I'm worried about my Heat Transfer assignment... Its the first one to be handed in and I don't even know how to get past the question.Divine Intervention definitely needed. I don't know if I'm feeling down due to tiredness or is it just because I'm on that thinking state again.

At the moment, I really wished there was someone whom I can speak to. Sure there are people, if only I can let go of the bloody pride of making the phonecall to use up the darned free minutes as well. I tell you, the phone is so wasted on me... I managed to bump into Justin whilst I was coming home from uni. to Leamington... and as I walked home from the bus stop, it occured to me how much I missed the non- accademic side of my life last year... Then, I had Jean and Justin who were brilliant housemates whom I could talk to regarding almost everything and anything... it was almost that nothing was taboo in the household. There were other people as well which gave me support almost on a daily basis... How I miss that... Not to say that my current housemates are bad... far from it! They're really lovely people that I get along with quite easily and we usually have a whale of a time just hanging out and stuff... but there always seem to be some personality and cultural clash. I know its unintended but chances are they wouldn't understand the same things I go through coming from where I come from. Then again, I think its the darned pride that takes centre place once again! Cest la vie!

Oh well, for the time being... I shall hope that I will be able to sleep this off. Good night world... Till I awake once again.

Listening to: Piano Concerto No. 5 in E flat Allegro Op.73, Beethoven
Thinking: Why the heck classical music have such long names

Right, the pizza is in the oven and I'm hungry... I just got myself a new classical cd to accompany the rest of my very jazz and rock collection. I'm quite happy with myself and I'm now back in Leamington in the comfort of my own room... Though I was happily chatting away with friends in the Chaplaincy before I decided to pop back home, there is nothing quite like my own place. Oh, I've also got a poster of Taz! Hehehe... now how cool is that?! I'm not going to think of the money spent today on things non accademic... like another 3 books which give brief introduction to several topics... I chose Aristotle, Paul (of which we have most of the New Testament) and Freud. Basically my motive being that so I can have some idea on how to pretend to be having an intelligent conversation... I tell you, I am so bloody pretentious! I mean listening to Beethoven and reading fancy books... Hahaha... and then next minute some loud piece of crap will be blaring through the speakers and I'll be reading glossy magazines (those meant for men by the way)

Oh well, I am feeling a little bashful today... I think it must be the weather...

Grey buildings lighted up

Listening to: Space, Something Corporate
Thinking of: So many things

I've not really listened much to Something Corporate, but yet each time I play the album it grows on me. Thanks Iain! I admire the piano rifts and composition... its not overtly complicated and sometimes its just a selection of chords, a good selection of chords... but I do like the idea of having something like a Grand Piano or a Saxaphone or Violins in a modern rock song. It gives it a bit more body, warmth and a more personal, classy nature.

The day is grey and well, now I am all by myself in the library with the laptop and a selection of songs. Somehow I do wish that I'd find the guts to ask a couple of people out. Oh well... Hehehe...

Anyways, its back to work and reading...

Cheerio

The Great Escape

Listening to: Great Escape, Moby
Thinking of: iPods... Longines and my stupid essay



Right, it has been a while since I last wrote... I don't feel guilty about it and though I feel uninspired, I don't really care about it. Well, I did go off for a weekend with the CU to a place somewhere at the border of Wales and England. By any means... it was rural (think Welsh hills and sheep) but it sure wasn't boring... I did have a really good time mixing with other Christians and meeting new people almost every minute. We played many fun games and after a lapse of 14 years, I finally played musical chairs at the age of 20.



Yet, the challange for me was more serious... I guess I could consider myself rather religious but not overtly so. I wanted to know how it felt like to be within Christian company again... To a certain extent to know that being Christian does not equate to being proud and snobbish and a bigot. I did think that being someone who has hardly been in the CU, I was a pretty good subject... Being of a different culture to the majority as well. Hey, how about that... I was quite pleased that I didn't have to be the one that made the move... Shy lah...

I did have some pretty good conversations with some very open, inquisitive people... I had a long walk through the woods with a bunch of them. I enjoyed the peace and tranquility though I really wished I had a lot more sleep. I enjoyed being alone... wait, there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I had a little bit of time to myself one early morning (I wanted to enjoy the misy morning without anyone around and so that I can have silence to pray and to think of things around me) and I just spent a little thought on people I've grown to develop thorns with... Strange, that I felt maybe its time to really settle all differences and to a certain extent, make peace... Oh boy... now thats going to be tough...

In all honesty, I did have the most marvellous time over the weekend... Now, to rush my work!

Snooping around ebay for watches, I came across something of which I've drooled over for years. Its basically the mens version of my mom's watch, a Longines Conquest... I managed to find a new one on e-bay going for a really lovely price for a very lovely watch. However... lovely price does not mean affordable either. Thing being that each watch is individually serialed and they've stopped the collection altogether making the watches even more desirable. Desire... just the right word. Alas, I am a poor student... woe is to me for my bank account protests though my heart is set a fluttering!(wait, is that even correct to begin with?) Anyway, I did later after a long while close the window as I mourn the lost opportunity to click the BUY IT NOW button.




Yes! I have (and so did Wern Jun) concluded that my work is making me silly... Cest la Vie...

Darkness Falls

Listening to: Are you happy now, Michelle Branch
Thinking of: To catch up with a lost day

I kinda feel that today was utterly wasted due to bad time management and the lack of discipline on my part. For some reason, I was perpetually distracted; I can't really think of a moment when I was focused on my work and my work alone. I always had something else on my mind and something else that I wanted to do or I wished I did. Oh well, its just one of those days when the mind is set on working but the heart is nowhere to be found. Oh well...Hehehe.

Winter is fast approaching, the winds are getting more chilly, the leaves have stopped falling down and they're now just rotting on the side path, the sky is dark by 4:30pm and the winter coats have now been taken out of the closet. Dreary winter is here...

Listening to: Trav'lin, Modern Jazz Quartet
Thinking of: The mess up of a day

Well, the weather seems a lot better than previous days... Being in England has brought me to appreciate the fine weather back home in sunny Malaysia when it's Autumn and Spring all year round. Anyway, I think in my usual silly manner, I've actually messed up my day by unintentionally skipping a class... See, the problem is that I've memorised my timetable... only problem was I thought the times were slightly different today (ok, by 2 hours). So not only did I miss my 1 o' clock class since I thought it was at 11 (I went and walked into a lecture by of all people, my project supervisor) and thought that mine was canceled... so headed back to the library to do my work (which coincidentaly happened to be that of the module I skipped). Later, I walked into a lecture at 2pm... and noticed it was full with (gagh! Industrial Econs. students). So even more perplexed than ever, I thought my watch has gone wrong or I've overslept passed Monday and it is now Tuesday... Getting a grip on myself I decided to check my time table again and the wicked truth was soon revealed to yours truly... Sigh... tragic and embarassing is my middle name.

I feel distracted by my emotions and my frustration to comprehend a single word my examples are telling me about Compact Heat Exchangers. I managed to see one when I was working with GL but damn, designing the bloody thing is a real pain in the you know where... Is it any wonder why TNB Generation decided to get the Japanese to design the heat exchanger for their power stations.

Listening to: Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
Thinking of: Bloody English Weather

Ah, Karting... the sound of revving engines (well, ok... grass cutter motors) and the smell of gasoline (kerosene) mixed with adrenaline. Interesting! Woo Hoo... went to Birmingham yesterday with the Cypriots for an evening of tasteful karting (NOT!). Anyways, surprise, surprise... I bumped into Erik Putera, Angeline Lim and Andy... Well, obviously they're not Cypriots (then again neither am I) but that made it even more fun! :D At least I've got someone that doesn't speak Greek to me and expects me to answer. Hehehehe... but of course, thats just the appetizer... the main dish was obviously the racing.

Believe it or not, its the first time I've been in a kart. So during my first practice session, I hopped into the kart and starting zooming down the straight and heading towards turn 1 a right hander... I was quite happy I was going pretty fast and thought at a point, was laughing a "I'm INVINCIBLE" laugh... sadly enough, this was shattered when I depressed my brake paddle to get a nice smooth line and someone overtook me at a mad speed and the I stomped on the brakes and spun. Oh well, so much for my notion of invincibility... Oh by the way, I was able to keep up with him for the rest of the lap. So that was not too bad... But my subsequent laps, I got faster and faster... and soon I was doing most of the circuit without even touching the brakes! Woo hoo!

Anyway, my first stint on the track... I think I did pretty well, I got passed once and I claimed my position in a short while... I was catching up with the 3 in front and my team had to call me back in, so I was a little pissed. But hey, it was really good fun the first stint... Not bad for a 1st timer I thought. At that time we were 4th in 10 teams and I think the person in front of me would have been 3rd place.

Anyway, my second stint wasn't as cool... I kept getting knocked about by some over enthusiastic fool. So he passed me once, and spun in front of me... and clipped my front bumper. He did the same thing again the next lap and I rammed him and later went head on into the tire wall... I pretty much demolished the wall and a long period of yellow flags appeared to give marshals time to rebuild the wall. I kinda lost my concentration there... So from 3rd I dropped down to 6th... tragic, tragic... But uggh, if not for that over enthustic of a fiend... I probably would have been 4th and might just be on the podium.

On my team there were 2 pretty good drivers... Octed, one of them was Cyprus 2nd runner up... So obviously he was the one that did most of the cool racing. He's style was so different compared to the rest of us, his turns were so composed... I tried taking the same racing line as he did... but I always had to counter steer in order to keep the car from spinning around... in effect, it was a little bit of a drift! Woo Hoo... initial D! I had a couple of gripes on the karts though... a) acceleration was non- existant... i mean i stomp on it and it inches. b) Not all of them were equal... "some are more equal than others" (Animal Farm, George Orwell)

but on the other hand, turning through turn 1 which was bumpy and a pretty long right hander was so fun... I managed to take it flat out and you can actually feel the lateral forces, Ooo... such fun that turn.

Oh well, end of the day... it was good fun and I really did enjoy myself though I think I could have done better. Here is to many more hours of karting fun (hopefully)