Listening to: Heaven, Hayley Westenra
Thinking of: To Paint a Picture Perfect Smile
"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven."
Karen Sunde
Today I feel hollow... Its not that I'm dead bored or didn't have a good day. I just feel that as I seat here at my desk, that as much as I've done today, I've accomplished anything. Admittedly, there are a couple of things on my mind I'd like to shout to the world, but I just can't find it in me to do so. I know that within the confines of my brain, I know the answer well enough to answer anyone with the same doubts and questions. However of course, the difference between knowing the text book answer and composing the solution lies only 6 inches from each other, the brain from the heart. It is times like these when I so wish I could just can (verb) everything I feel and forget about emotions for a while and live cognitively.
End of the day, it isn't anything so big that I would have some landslide of raw thoughts and emotions. I guess its only me being frustrated by being me and not someone better. I envy many around me, it doesn't help that in university, one tends to get so many brilliant people in a small confined space, so many much gifted than I am, the masses who are more privileged. Why am I constantly put down just by knowing who people are? Its not that they've been utter snoots and braggarts... In fact, some of them are the most humble people I know (another enviable quality).
I lay in bed for a short while just now while I allowed myself to daydream for a moment. It wasn't much of a daydream really, the same thought I've been wondering about for the past 3 years have come back to haunt me again... What would it have been like if I had chosen Australia instead of the UK. For sure, I know I would have my own place and my own ride. I just might be on my way to a medical degree instead of a crappy engineering one. I would be closer to the few I care so much about... Oh, musn't' forget the weather... Sigh, cosmopolitan Sydney traded for Coventry. What was I thinking?! If there was any confirmation that I have no business sense and am just plain stupid, that would be it! Where is the future of an engineering degree?! The country wants a horde of engineers but where do we see ourselves in the future? I feel like a fool who was taken by his own naive ideals.
The day was good to me... Ableit I'm a little tired. Volleyball, classes, lunch, good company... Oh, can't forget Tong Sui, something that did put a brief smile on my greedy face. Thanks Lainey!
"You don't owe the world anything"
A random phrase that crawled into the crevices of thought...
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I found this as soon as I clicked the publish button of my blog, I don't know why... But I found this to be extremely apt advice for yours truly at the moment
"Don't discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise yourself, you are disbelieved."Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
Oh well, I guess that kinda whacks my blog into loserdome!
Anyway, its time to head to a bit of reading before I call it a day
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